I mentioned on my other blog that I was out researching Price Pfister faucets when I missed a golden opportunity. Now, I didn’t want to go into details over there because I didn’t feel it was the proper venue for telling such a tale. This is my personal blog where I chronicle my trials and tribulations with my family, illness and career goals (and possibly my accomplishments, which have to date been few and far between). So, I’ll expand a little here.

On Tuesday I had the opportunity to participate in a conference call with Sharon Gless and Bruce Campbell, two stars from USA Network’s "Burn Notice". I don’t get paid by USA Network for anything I write about regarding them. I do my little bit of work with a marketing company that works with them because I am honored to have been chosen to do so (someone from the company ran across the work I was previously doing on Bella Online and contacted me via them). I have the opportunity to pre-screen shows as well as interview people working on those shows. Again, I am grateful for the opportunity to work with them. Especially because “Burn Notice” is one of my favorite shows. At any rate, I was unable to participate in the call, but they were kind enough to give me a transcript of the question/answer session. I was so incredibly disappointed that I missed that chance and am kicking myself for it.

You see, Grump doesn’t take my ambitions and goals seriously. And so neither does any of his family. His mother will gladly keep Mags for him while he’s at a VFW meeting, but will find 1000 reason to deny me when I want someone to watch her while I’m doing my work. Because I don’t get paid to write about “Burn Notice” or any of the other programs (“The Cleaner” and “The Andromeda Strain” are two others about which I’ve written) they don’t see it as “serious”. They believe that I’m just wasting my time.

Now, my mother-in-law works in realty. She’s quite good at it and has a good clientele. She makes good money. But she does things to increase her exposure and improve her “brand” that actually cost her money and for which she doesn’t immediately see a return. She’s done this for years and so has become quite successful. I’ve tried to explain to her that I, too, would like to one day become successful in my chosen field and that one of the ways to do this is through exposure and “working” for pretty much nothing. I explained that some of the work I do via my blogs do pay me, though I’m not getting rich, but that work helps pay the bills that will eventually allow me to receive more money in the long run. I explained that this is important to me and for my future goals. Grump poo-poos my time online and sees no reason why I would need a babysitter while I’m at home—even though I would be on the phone and need that time to be uninterrupted. Neither of them are capable, I think, of seeing the long-term benefits. And that’s very frustrating to me.

The good news is that Mags will start school in a couple of weeks. That will give me plenty of time during the day to do the work I want to do and see where that takes me. I’m also in school so that I can earn a degree and possibly have a career in something completely unrelated. So I’ll have that too. While I’m waiting for all of this to come to fruition (and struggling with my disease on top of it all!) I also have a brick-and-mortar job that helps pay the bills. I’m not lazing around watching soaps all day and being unproductive. I’ve got goals and need to be able to work on reaching those goals—at the same time I’m meeting my responsibilities as a mother and wife. I believe that I’m due a little leeway and understanding here.

I understand that this post seems to be more whining than anything. It’s not. I’m frustrated. I was so proud to be contacted by that marketing firm because of the writing I am capable of doing (though you wouldn’t know it to read me the last few months, would you) and I really want to participate in their campaigns—regardless of the lack of monetary payment. I did something that was recognized as good and capable and asked to participate in something. That made my head swell to gigantic proportions. It’s upsetting to me that my spouse and family fail to recognize how this is important to me. And so I vent. Hopefully I won’t need to do that much longer and will be able to post my accomplishments more (as I have more time to concentrate on my writing). I’m looking forward to that. My initial plan was to take classes during the day—while Mags is in school, but that’s changed.

I’ve decided that I’ll be taking two nights of classes and working during the day. My brick-and-mortar job only requires a few hours a week at a time (for which I make pretty decent money in this area: $1,200 a month) and I’ll be able to that primarily on weekends. I’ll find the time for all of that and still be able to mother Mags in the evening and weekend afternoons. I’ve wasted plenty of life not doing what I want to do and doing for other people what they expected of me. I don’t think that it’s so bad that I do for myself with this free time I’ll finally have. Grump won’t even know that I’m not going crazy trying to find 5 full minutes to type up a post. Then maybe we’ll both be happier.

I wish, though, that I could have participated in that conference call. Next time, if I’m offered the opportunity, I’ll be the first one to call in. For sure I won’t miss that again. If only for myself so I can say I did it. That’s really important to me at this point.

I was right when I wrote that I needed to change direction. I started off on the right foot with this blog, but apparently I’ve fallen smack on my face. This blog was started as an effort to chronicle my journey working from home, because it is a journey and because it’s damned hard. I wanted to focus my attention on that (with this blog), but about a little over a year ago I lost that focus.

Two days ago I received an email extending an invitation to apply for an online internship. I was very excited about that and put a lot of effort into 200 words—hoping that I would be chosen. I wasn’t. The email didn’t tell me that the potential interns should be internet marketing enthusiasts as well as WAHMs.

I am incredibly disappointed by that rejection but only because I’d gotten my hopes up. I didn’t realize that I should be a student of SEO and marketing when I applied, because that wasn’t made clear. I’ve learned from that experience as I’ve learned from others. I’m not going to change into a marketing student because of it, though. At least I’m not going to write about marketing because of it.

I feel that there are plenty of people writing about that subject. I feel the blogging community is inundated  with that subject. I couldn’t open my email without finding that a marketing “expert” was now following me on Twitter (That account was closed today, by the way. I’m redirecting myself.). I thought I was going to learn about marketing and how to expand my reach and… I don’t want to write about that stuff. I think if I’d have known that particular aspect of the internship I would’ve have just sent a “thank you” note and gone about my day without wasting the time applying.

I’ve been looking for ways to make more money while staying home. My eldest daughter has moved out and my youngest is getting to the age where writing about her just won’t be cute and endearing. I haven’t stopped being a mom, though. I have other interests, but am still a woman that wants to work from home.

I’ve already delved into the world of internet marketing, to an extent. I know what it takes to get the search engines to crawl your page faster, how to get your page to the top of the SERPs, how to get links and make a sale. I know where to put my ads if I want the most clicks. I know which topics to write about if I want the traffic. I know the importance of Page Rank and the reasons why Google will strip it.

I’ve already fallen for the hype that I should have more than one blog to be profitable online. And it’s not done me any kind of good. My focus and my writing has been hurt by that. I read that I should have a “niche” blog with tons of ads and that I should join this social network or that social network. I’m told to stuff my posts with keywords so that I get “organic” traffic. I’m told to comment with my keyword in my name and make use of do-follow blogs.

That’s all well and good. Except the people with whom I’d be networking in an effort to get their traffic are going to be writing about the same things. The people that care enough to make their blogs do-follow aren’t going to come clicking on anything on my blog. The only way that’s going to happen if I somehow convince some poor saps that I’m an expert. Even though I’m not.

Chipped Polish was an experiment when I first started out. And I was doing pretty good with it. But parts of that experiment have really drained me emotionally and artistically. I haven’t even bothered to redesign my site properly! I’ve been meaning to, but more fulfilling things have taken my time. I am still writing and working, but I’m not doing it here. I’m not chronicling it, because those that were interested aren’t interested in the person behind the blog. And now they’re not interested at all because Chipped Polish is both bland and a bad neighborhood. And the Lizzie Flynn brand has lost it’s luster.

Isn’t that funny?

Recently the company for which I do the majority of my work opened a Twitter account. It is protected and they announced they would only accept those that do work for them as followers. So, I sent a request for permission to follow. That was in March. Before I deleted that account I went back to check to see if I’d been approved (I didn’t remember seeing any updates from them).

Nope. Nada. Even those that give me work don’t want to be bothered with me. If that sounds a little whiny, it’s supposed to be. As far as why they never bothered to follow me back, I’m pretty sure that it’s because someone thinks I’m a spy for their competition. I’m not interested in that kind of idiocy, but this particular person is paranoid and no doubt believes me to have nefarious motives. Which is really funny because that same someone has no problem following my original online persona, who apparently is more trustworthy than Lizzie Flynn.

Isn’t that funny? Oh, you’ve read this far and now you’re curious? Now I have your attention?

At any rate, somewhere along the line I’ve compromised something. Lizzie Flynn has become distrusted in such a way that she’s believed to be a spy. I’m not exactly sure how that rumor came to be, but that’s ok. I’ve learned something. And Lizzie Flynn has learned something. I’ve learned that passion is the key and trustworthiness goes a long way—except for those with whom you are in direct competition. They will claw your eyes out and stab you in the back as soon as read a word you wrote. I’m not exactly clear when I became the foe, but I did. And now I’ve got to deal with the repercussions of that.

The good thing is that I, separate and apart, am not afraid to be confrontational and raise the hackles of others. I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I was experimenting with being professional and polite. And now I’m over that. I do my best work when I’m not overly concerned about hurting some poor sap’s feelings. I am more passionate when I’m not trying to impress the world with my professionalism. I’ve learned that being professional and making a difference doesn’t necessarily pay the bills when working online.

Depending on what happens in the next few weeks Lizzie Flynn may go the way of the wind. If I can figure out how to make this work, though, I will keep at it. I think, maybe, I’ll stop worrying about getting money from Chipped Polish and find other venues where I can explore my talent and passion. I’m not loving this blog right now because of the choices I’ve made, the people I’ve met and the focus I’ve lost—and I’m not sure if I’m going to continue with it.

P.S.

I’m not a spy for anyone. I don’t give a damned what two completely different companies are saying about each other. I’m just trying to live my own life. Occasionally I rubberneck, but there’s plenty to see. I’m reporting to no one. Perhaps a little less paranoia will go a long way to easing some stress, huh?

Life has been like running on a treadmill for me lately. It’s been so incredibly busy and crazy and I just can’t seem to get done what I want to get done (though I do get done what I need to get done). I have work and school and 4 year old and a child-like husband (who sometimes just needs his blankie and a nap, I think). I have a grandchild and his mother who is living on her own, but still needing so much help from me.

I want to do a lot of things—like work in my garden, read a good book, or pump out a really good blog post—but none of that seems even remotely possible right now. I do know that I’m changing a few things around here and around Simply Stating, but I’m not exactly sure of what that is. I can tell you that I’m not thrilled about the direction either blog is going and that I know for a fact I can do much better with them than I have been doing. It’s a little shameful, really, the way I’ve lost focused on a couple of things that are fun to me and, because of that, a little bit necessary for me.

I’m trying to find a voice for myself that doesn’t collide with other voices in the blogging community—at least not in a way that is combative or can be construed as bitchy. I’ve found some people to be very abrasive and am trying desperately to stay away from them as I don’t need the drama, but think sometimes my issues with them would make good blog fodder on my other blog. Or for here, if it was more relevant to what I want to accomplish on this blog. Then I find myself backing away, shaking my head, and leaving post after post unfinished. And I think I’m not taken very seriously because of some of the writing I do and the fact that I’m not part of a huge online community with thousands of comments and even more forum posts. I am just living my life and wish I didn’t have to have two. There is not enough time in my day for my offline life to give me time to develop deep meaningful relationships online.

Here is another example of not being focused and not being able to find exactly what it is that bothers me. Something is taking away from the initial thrill I found while blogging. Something is taking away from my desire to make posts that were informative and funny and uniquely me. I can’t quite put my finger on what that something is. It’s like that elusive word that you can almost say, but your tongue won’t spit it out. But I want to pinpoint that and I want to change it. Blogging was always a stress reliever for me. I was able to leave my troubles on the page and out of my head.

It’s not like that for me anymore. I find myself reserved, mistrusting and deleting too many thoughts and ideas. I’m being too polite, to reserved, too something and it’s taking away the joy. I don’t like that and I’m tired of it. I’m going to try to figure out what it is that I want to do with my writing and go in that direction. Something’s got to give here, because I need a stress valve.