Counting My Blessings

I have issues with budgeting and planning. I don’t like to do either. However, with the way gas prices are today, I think it’s a good time to start. My husband and I aren’t going to retire any day soon and we’d like to keep our home, so this is something I really need to get a grip on. Right?

Lately I’ve seen a lot of people asking “What are you doing to cope?” That’s a good question. The economy is tanking and people are feeling the pinch. It’s come down to “Do I keep all 5 cell phones? Cut down to basic cable? Eat day old bread?” While I’ve been trying to learn to cut down on our expenses and find extra dollars here and there, I’ve been thinking of what my grandparents had to endure. And somehow managed to survive.

My great-grandmother was born before the Great Depression. They managed to live on $2-5 a week- if that. They didn’t have a car (much less two) and couldn’t afford to buy their children a different pair of shoes for each different outfit. As a matter of fact, my grandmother once told me that they had their “Sunday best”- which was only worn on Sunday - and their everyday clothes. Two outfits. That’s it. How did they do it? And meat was only eaten once a week- or twice if there was a holiday. They convened at the neighbor’s house when there was an interesting radio program playing, otherwise they did without (no TV mind you).

I look around my house and realize that we’ve got it good. I’m typing this on a PC and posting it via the Internet and if we were really that bad off, I would have neither of these luxuries. I wouldn’t have a special shampoo or be able to choose whole grain bread over white bread. I wouldn’t be able to say “Hey! I need new sandals because these are just ugly!” Nope. I would be canning and hoarding and scraping to make sure my kids had a roof over their heads, not worrying about going to basic cable instead of America’s Top 150 on Dish. My children have closets full of clothes and have milk and meat everyday. I’m scrimping and saving to keep these things. So they don’t go without them. Not so they’ll survive. Because I have no worries that our money woes are going to cause our kids to get sick, go homeless or die. We are LUCKY. I don’t think enough people realize just how lucky they are.

I’m still coming up with a budget, though. I like our little luxuries and don’t want to have to give them up. I like having cable and the internet and being able to buy my kids little cheap toys every so often. I like being able to choose between good food and processed. I like that I can take my girls to a decent doctor and not have to worry about them dying from an ear infection (my great-uncle died from an ear infection when he was 1 year old). We have one car (and it runs!), two tvs (we married our households so one of them is 15 years old), and one PC. Our bills are paid on time every month and our refrigerator is always stocked. We’ve got it good. I’m not complaining. I’m counting my blessings.

He’s here!

Born at 7:09am May 9,2008. He weighed 5lbs. 8oz and was 18 inches long. I introduce my new grandson, KJ!

Pee Wee went to the doctor on Thursday and her blood pressure was way up. So we had to go to labor and delivery where she could be evaluated. Her BP spiked to 173\104. They decided to induce labor. We moved from triage to a birthing room and they commenced with the magnesium sulfate (to prevent seizures) and the pitocin. They inserted a foley ball, inflated it and waited for it to fall at- which would indicate she’d reached 3 cm. and that an epidural could be placed. It fell out within the hour. But there were so many babies coming on Friday morning that we had to wait for the anesthesiologist. Pee Wee labored like a champ for those few hours. She breathed fine, didn’t panic and didn’t start screaming and cussing. Finally she got her epidural and all was well.

Around 6:30am the doctor came in to check on her and noticed that the babies heart rate would drop with each contraction. They thought something like this could happen because of the combination of magnesium and pitocin, so they decided it was time to do a section. At this time she was 6 cm.

I was there when my grandson was pulled out at 7:09am. My daughter and I both cried when she heard him cry (I had already seen him placed on her belly, but she couldn’t see above the curtain). Then Pee Wee promptly fell asleep. I stayed with the baby until Pee Wee and he were ready to go to recovery.

She stayed until yesterday and I stayed with her. I have to tell you that I have a HUGE amount of admiration for post-partum support people (most often dads, of course). I didn’t sleep any more than she did while we stayed there. She needed a little more help than usual, of course, because of her incision. I helped her in every way that I could and she managed just fine. She’s having some issues with breastfeeding, but they gave her a hospital grade pump to help her get it going (she’s got large breasts and the swelling from the pre-eclampsia didn’t make that any better). Also, he’s a little “tongue-tied” so breastfeeding is a challenge for them both.

Mags is having a little difficulty adjusting to the new baby now. I try to give her the most attention and let Pee Wee tend to KJ, but when Pee Wee calls for help I go and, well, Mags doesn’t like that. So far I’ve had to pretend to pump my breasts, hold her like a baby, pat her butt, and show her pictures of her babyhood. I’m hopeful that she’ll get through this phase soon because she’s kind of driving me batty.

Oma¹ and KJ in the hospital chair.

1. Oma is German for “Grandma” [↩]

Meditating the Pain Away

A few years ago we went to South Carolina and stayed in a Hilton Head rental. We stayed for a week and a half and I loved it. It was the best vacation I’d ever had. We had immediate access to a private beach, a pool and spent a lot of time strolling along the walking paths (like a sidewalk but different). Being so close to the ocean was calming for me and so I use my memories from there for meditation purposes.

There are many health benefits of meditation which include but are not limited to:

• Stress reduction

  Meditating properly helps bring stress chemicals down to normal levels, eases anxiety, and for some people even cures phobias.

  Neuroscientists have found that meditators shift their brain activity to different areas of the cortex - brain waves in the stress-prone right frontal cortex move to the calmer left frontal cortex. This mental shift decreases the negative effects of stress, mild depression and anxiety.[source]

• Decreases blood pressure

  See Above for why.

• Decreases muscle tension which can reduce the frequency and severity of headaches

  Learning to recognize muscle tension through meditation is an excellent way of controlling chronic pain. Many people suffer from tension (stress) headaches and proper meditation can reduce that.

• Increases self-awareness

  This can help with problem solving and issues with low self-confidence. Most meditation requires that you remove all thought from your mind and float in “nothing”. Because of emotional conflicts, the practitioner is forced to deal with issues s/he wasn’t aware of previously. Then the brain follows paths to a resolution to these conflicts, leading to higher levels of self-confidence. [source]

How Do I Do It?

Depending on what you read regarding meditation you are either supposed to empty your mind and completely relax or focus on something that relaxes you. It’s almost impossible for me to completely empty my mind. Just thinking about emptying my mind causes me to think about something. Obviously that method doesn’t work for me. And it may not work for you. My method may not work for you either, so take that into consideration if you try it.

First, I make sure that I have absolute solitude. I cannot be disturbed during my meditation. Because I’m a mom and wife, I have to make sure there’s no one home and the dog is outside. I go into a room with no phone and no television. Nothing to distract me from my meditation time.

Then, I put on a CD of sounds of nature. I particularly like the sounds of thunderstorms or waves breaking in the ocean. I try to limit the sounds of animals as they can be too distracting for me. I place a folded blanket on the floor and sit cross-legged on that. Then I close my eyes.

This is when I go back to Hilton Head. It’s a more complex type of meditation than what you may have read about elsewhere. With my eyes closed I imagine the blue sky above me. Then, if I’m using the ocean CD, I imagine looking toward the shore with the waves crashing against the sand. I imagine the smell of a salty breeze and the feel of fine sand under my legs. I use my mind’s eye to walk me from one sensation to the next until all of my senses are utilized.

When I’m at a place where I can almost believe I’m really on that beach in Hilton Head, I start to really relax. I start by relaxing the muscles on the top of my head and work my way down to my toes. I mentally find every muscle that is being used and relax it just enough (I don’t want to fall asleep or fall over). This is amazingly useful in finding those trouble spots that you didn’t know were troublesome. I imagine that each muscle is being smoothed over by a warm breeze. I do this for each part of my body, including my face and, yes, my ears.

Finally I’m completely relaxed and I let myself “walk” down the beach. When I was physically in Hilton Head, the early morning was the best time of day for me. I could walk on that beach and not be bothered by anyone- save for the occasional jogger. Since I was the only one in my family who enjoyed these walks, I was left alone with myself and Mother Nature. It was peaceful and I was completely content. It was a near-perfect experience for me. And so, when I meditate I take myself back there.

Today there is much emphasis on medications to ease your mind and calm your body. Many people still scoff at the “New Age” practice of meditation¹ and refuse to contemplate it. But when you’ve exhausted the options modern medicine offers for stress-relief and pain management, meditation is really something to consider. Because, believe it or not, it really works.

1. Though meditation has been practiced for centuries in Eastern cultures [↩]

Parenting Teen Parents

I was looking around for some forums for parent’s parenting teen parents (say that 5 times fast) and ended up with… zilch. There are a few places for parents of teens, parents of tweens and teens and parents wanting to pull their hair out because of teen issues (ZITS????). Where is the support for parents parenting teen parents? It’s a little frustrating for me because my issues is a tad bit different from what else I’ve seen online and I really feel the need to scream about it¹.

So, I was searching. Silly me decided to open every link on the search page in a different tab. Of course, that sucked up the ram and my browser shut down. When I reopened said browser I was asked if I wanted to restore the last session or start a new one. Without thinking I chose to restore. Boom! Same thing happed again. I had to give up. Which meant that I had to give up on my search.

I did find an interesting site called The Mom Bloggers Club. I signed up and maybe I’ll run into someone there with my same issue re: Pee Wee. We’ll see. I can’t be the only one struggling with this particular issue. Can I?

As it is, we’re coming into the home stretch with Pee Wee’s baby. He’ll be here soon. But I know she’s not mentally or emotionally ready for this. I know that she’s just not “getting” it. That scares me to death. I’ve already had a couple of nightmares about it. We have one year to shape her up and help her learn how to parent. One year. And then she’s on her own. What then? Good grief, I’m up to my eyeballs with worry. I’d like to think that she’s learning something from me by watching me with Mags. But she’s been arguing about my parenting technique a lot this past week or so. I should be doing this and not doing this and why aren’t I teaching her this…ARGH! She’s got a lot of opinions now- and she’s not afraid to shove them down my throat. Yeah, it’s a struggle. I remind her that I’ve got years of parenting experience on her and just because she’s growing a baby now doesn’t give her leave to preach to me. It’s a little bit of a fight. Just a tad. Enough, though, that I’ve been heard to say (a little loudly) “Calgon, take me away!”.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she stops with the parenting advice soon. If she doesn’t, well, I can’t make promises…:)

I love my child so much. But sometimes the struggles of helping her get ready to be a parent (I wasn’t ready for that, you know) get to be a little too much. Sometimes I just need to scream/holler/cry/curse and have someone not point at me and say something like “Well, her mom was young- what did you expect?” or “Why would you allow her to make that kind of decision? You should put that baby up for adoption” Those aren’t helpful and really make we want to lash out. That’s why I’d love to be around other moms who are going through this same thing with their child- even though they thought they raised their child to understand the dangers/pitfalls/disappointments of teenage parenthood.

If you know of any forums for this, please send me a link. I’d be terribly grateful.

1. That just means I’m stressing, by the way [↩]

Working Me to The Bone

I have been so busy this past week. It’s getting crazy around here. I did manage to upgrade my blog platform and I don’t think I broke anything. If I did please let me know. Pee Wee is with her tutor right now and Mags is out at the farm (literally) with Steve, so I have a few minutes to myself. I should be doing other things though. I was thinking about popping some energy pills to get it all done today. That would be hilarious, though. It’s like I’m on fast-forward when I do stuff like that. I talk a million miles a minute and dance around…until I finally fall over. Like someone turned a switch off. I used to take those a lot when I was waiting tables. Gah, seems like forever ago.

I’m almost done with a school assignment and with training for that new position. Apparently I’m not going to get paid yet, but it’s great exposure for me. That’s fine, I guess. It’s a one day a week gig and I’ll be able to use it for writing samples. Not too bad for me I guess. I’m just stressing a tad.

Also, I called in to get my prescription refilled yesterday and the nurse didn’t do it. I’ll have to until Monday night without my meds. That ought to be really interesting. Yikes.

Little Bits of Green

Since we’re entering a recession (or in the midst of one, depending on who you ask) it’s a good idea to consider going a little “green” to save some “green” (or whatever color your money is). There are a few simple ideas listed here, including: riding to work, switching to tankless water heaters, choosing to plant trees in a community park as a family outing (or new hobby as the article mentions). Whether you’re trying to save some money or save the planet, every little bit helps.

This past summer we added more insulation to the exterior of our home and had our furnace and AC tuned up. Recently, we had maintenance on our old washer and dryer- instead of buying a new one. Because we just added to what we already have it cost a lot less. With regards to our siding and insulation, our heating and electric bills have been about 25% less than usual, even with the higher amount of snow fall this year.

We’ve also decided to plant another tree in our yard- to shade our house and keep the cooling bills down. We have three really tall maple trees in our front and side so I want to put one in the back of the house. Since our yard is so big we can afford to do that.

Other things that we’ve been doing is recycling aluminum and buying milk with recyclable bottles (I don’t know if it’s available all over, but ours comes from a local dairy that supplies our regular grocery). We also compost every available thing we can (kitchen waste, non-glossy paper, dog hair from the vacuum). That keeps our trash to a minimum.

My next task will be to switch to greener home products. I’ve learned a lot of different cleaning “recipes” from watching “How Clean is Your House” on BBC America. I really feel that I can get my house clean enough without all of those potentially hazardous chemicals mucking up my air.

I’m not sure what else we’ll try. Maybe the tankless water heater, after our warranty is expired with our current one. I’ve seen those on home improvement shows and am pretty impressed with them. Anything that will keep our operating costs to a minimum, but not really interfere with our quality of life. I hate to say it, but I’m not going communal for all of this. One little step at a time.

That’s all it takes, right?