Growing a Mommy

The last couple of days have been a little challenging for me. I’m trying to help Pee Wee adjust to being a mother- while she’s still a child. She’s really depending on me through this time and I’m certainly happy to help, but I worry that she’s depending on me too much with regards to caring for KJ. I’ve been staying up late with her to help her with breastfeeding at night (encouragement and help with latching on mostly) and then getting up with Mags in the morning. If I had a private jet charter we’d all be down in the Florida Keys right now, enjoying the salty breezes and doing all this in the warm sunshine.

At any rate, Mags is a little lost, but she’s working on it. I’ve been trying to help her adjust the best that I can by letting her help me and encouraging Pee Wee to ask for her help. She’s also needed a few extra cuddles and at one point wanted me to hold her like a little baby. We’ve been trying to adjust and I want her to know that she’s still my baby and that KJ is Pee Wee’s baby. I think she’s starting to be ok with that, as long as she can have my attention whenever she wants it.

Right now it seems like one or the other of my daughters is always calling for me. “Can you get me some juice…can you get his diapers…I’m hungry…Can you change the channel…Can you…” It’s not that I’m complaining (though it does sound like it) I’m just getting really tired and I really have stuff I need to do.

Last night I explained to Pee Wee that she needs to learn that some things she can do for herself. For instance, she can carry KJ along with her (or lay him in his bassinet) while she’s getting her juice. I also reminded her of the importance of naps. She’s got this thing (which has been for her entire life) that she has to actually experience something before she believes it to be true. I told her before she had KJ that she would be really tired, that her nipples would be sore, that it would be a struggle the first couple of weeks, etc, but she didn’t seem to believe me. Now she’s saying “I’m so tired…My nipples hurt…I feel like I’m always feeding…” and so I had to remind her that she knew all of this beforehand. I’ve officially ordered her regular naps and am making sure she doesn’t spend all her free time (read: time not feeding) on MySpace or on the phone. She’s frustrated with me because her free time isn’t really free anymore, but what can I do? Newborns are a lot of work. Especially breastfed newborns. She’s out of school right now, so she has plenty of time to learn the ropes. And not-so-much time for playing with her buds. The joys of teenage motherhood, huh? I was there. I know. I hope I can help her do better than I did.

I’m hoping in a few more days things will level out and we’ll find a good routine.