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Posted by Lizzie on May-28-2008
I have issues with budgeting and planning. I don’t like to do either. However, with the way gas prices are today, I think it’s a good time to start. My husband and I aren’t going to retire any day soon and we’d like to keep our home, so this is something I really need to get a grip on. Right?
Lately I’ve seen a lot of people asking “What are you doing to cope?” That’s a good question. The economy is tanking and people are feeling the pinch. It’s come down to “Do I keep all 5 cell phones? Cut down to basic cable? Eat day old bread?” While I’ve been trying to learn to cut down on our expenses and find extra dollars here and there, I’ve been thinking of what my grandparents had to endure. And somehow managed to survive.
My great-grandmother was born before the Great Depression. They managed to live on $2-5 a week- if that. They didn’t have a car (much less two) and couldn’t afford to buy their children a different pair of shoes for each different outfit. As a matter of fact, my grandmother once told me that they had their “Sunday best”- which was only worn on Sunday - and their everyday clothes. Two outfits. That’s it. How did they do it? And meat was only eaten once a week- or twice if there was a holiday. They convened at the neighbor’s house when there was an interesting radio program playing, otherwise they did without (no TV mind you).
I look around my house and realize that we’ve got it good. I’m typing this on a PC and posting it via the Internet and if we were really that bad off, I would have neither of these luxuries. I wouldn’t have a special shampoo or be able to choose whole grain bread over white bread. I wouldn’t be able to say “Hey! I need new sandals because these are just ugly!” Nope. I would be canning and hoarding and scraping to make sure my kids had a roof over their heads, not worrying about going to basic cable instead of America’s Top 150 on Dish. My children have closets full of clothes and have milk and meat everyday. I’m scrimping and saving to keep these things. So they don’t go without them. Not so they’ll survive. Because I have no worries that our money woes are going to cause our kids to get sick, go homeless or die. We are LUCKY. I don’t think enough people realize just how lucky they are.
I’m still coming up with a budget, though. I like our little luxuries and don’t want to have to give them up. I like having cable and the internet and being able to buy my kids little cheap toys every so often. I like being able to choose between good food and processed. I like that I can take my girls to a decent doctor and not have to worry about them dying from an ear infection (my great-uncle died from an ear infection when he was 1 year old). We have one car (and it runs!), two tvs (we married our households so one of them is 15 years old), and one PC. Our bills are paid on time every month and our refrigerator is always stocked. We’ve got it good. I’m not complaining. I’m counting my blessings.
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Archive for January, 2008
Jan
30
Posted by Lizzie
I’ve been having a rough time with swelling recently. It seems that every other day my physical size literally changes. One day I’m in my regular clothes, the next I’m wearing plus size clothing (because I’m not comfortable squeezing into anything). I’m worried that something might be going on with my heart in this regard. I’ve read that it could be the heart or kidneys, and since my blood pressure shoots through the roof every single time I eat something I’m figuring it’s the ol’ pump.
I want to go back to the doctor, but I’m not getting much support from home. Plus the doctor that I’m seeing now is so far away. I don’t even know if it’s worth it. I just had an echocardiogram a few months ago and everything seemed fine. Of course, my illness seems to be progressing so something probably changed. I feel like I’m on “Mystery Diagnosis” right now. It’s horrible. I really don’t think I’ll ever find out what else is wrong with me.
School is getting hard for me too. I don’t seem to be able to find the time to work, study and do the things everyone expects me to do. I don’t have an office, so I don’t have any privacy and no one feels compelled to help with Mags when I’m here. I’m thinking about using the library for my temporary office. I can go every few days and do what I need to do without a family member getting irate because I’m not hurrying up. I’m sick of fighting about it and think it will be better if I’m just not here.
I’ve seen a lot of recommendations for organizing work time at home and I can’t seem to make it work for me. I block off so much time for myself and so much time for the tot, but it just doesn’t seem to be getting done. Pretty soon she’ll be enrolled in preschool, thankfully, and I should be able to work while she’s there. No distractions then. That will be so nice.
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Jan
27
Posted by Lizzie
Can I just tell you how incredibly irritated I am with my family? I am a part-time college student and try to work part-time from in addition to their go-to guy for every little thing. So, when I tell them “Don’t bother me today because I have some things to get done” that’s exactly what I mean. When I say “I need you guys to entertain Mags today” I mean for them to keep her entertained. I shouldn’t have to get up every two minutes to turn on bubble blowing Stitch or put in a movie or dance a little jig or play ring around the posey. I should be able to work. Except I’m not. Do you realize how long it’s taken me to write just this one paragraph? My WP has saved it three times already!
I’m not trying to get rich quick and buy Persian rugs, luxury watches or have my whole body lifted. I’m trying to do something to keep my mind active and make some extra money. I was supposed to help make a logo for our Web class. But I couldn’t get it done. They were impatient. They’re guys and they don’t have any kids. I had to keep stopping. Honestly, the one they picked (over my first draft) was pitiful. But then they could do the group chat thing yesterday.
Right now Mags is blowing grape-scented bubbles at me. Pee Wee is in the livingroom watching “America’s Next Top Model” and Steve is in the kitchen studying. Occasionally one of them will pop their head in here and say something to me- usually “Help me with…” But neither of them are doing anything to make my job easier. (WP has saved this draft two more times.)
Last night I was trying to read my chapter for Web scripting. I was highlighting and taking some notes. I honestly only got 2 pages read. My husband thinks I’m his live-in math tutor. And the kid is just breathing down my neck trying to hurry me up. She’s like a vulture waiting for her turn at the dead meat. I got so frustrated. That’s when I laid down the law for my plans for today. And none of it made a difference.
Well, except that Steve keeps coming in to ask me to help him instead of expecting me to come in there. And Pee Wee isn’t waiting anxiously to log into her myspace. Mags still wants someone to play with her though. And who better to play than Mama?
Honestly, I might just have to pack it up and move to a hotel. Wouldn’t that be nice?
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Jan
20
Posted by Lizzie
I’m not a high maintenance type of person. I don’t spend gobs of money on such things as getting my nails done regularly (duh, that’s why this is called “Chipped Polish”), brazilian waxes, or tons of clothes. I do like to buy white gold jewelry and American Beauty makeup. And web hosting. These are the only things I really splurge on.
But there was a time when I wouldn’t go outside without makeup done perfectly and hair sitting just right. I was young and cute back then and lived for compliments. Then I started having kids and getting sick and all that crap was thrown out the window. I’m at a point now where I just want to absorb some knowledge and manage my pain. But it’s not hard for me to remember what I was like back then. And get irritated with myself because of it.
Yesterday, at a family gathering, we were having a conversation about body image and society’s obsession with stick-thin women. My sister, my brother’s lady and I were discussing the idea that size 2 is achievable by every woman. This isn’t true, no matter how you slice it. Seems that when any celebrity gains a little bit of weight they’re all over the news as being fat and gourging and whatever else. Of course, all the women sitting around the table are “Rubenesque“. Just round, not obese, and most certainly not stick thin. There are no bones protruding through our clothes, believe that.
I remembered when I was younger I was very thin. But not ultrai-skinny. I exercised every day, went dancing a lot, and maintained a svelt 120 lbs. (on a 5ft.1in. frame). I had “million dollar” abs and nice arms. I was “Oh-la-la”. And I worked hard to get that way. Not because I wanted to be healthy, either. Because I wanted to be cute. Goes along with the makeup and hair thing I mentioned earlier. Even though I was that thin and short I did not fit into a size 2. My hips were too wide. I wasn’t built for those types of pants and I didn’t even consider trying to get rid of my ass. I had a nice ass and liked it that way. I wore a 5. Why is that bad?
My sister has always been bigger. But she’s tall and thick boned. She’s 5ft.11in. and has never even considered wearing a size 5. She’d have to make herself deathly ill to fit into a size 2. But some people would consider that failure. Why? Her body doesn’t conform to what is considered perfection.
My other sister is like my middle sister. Thick boned. There is no way she’s going to be able to fit into those little tiny pants without starving herself. It doesn’t matter how well she eats or how much she exercises. Her body isn’t designed for the industry standard. But she’s 17. And her goal right now is to get into a size 2. She’s currently at a very healthy weight and looks good in a size 7. But she feels fat. She wants less of her so that she can wear those clothes and fit those standards. She’s getting encouragement for this insanity not only from the media (which tells teen girls that skinny is best) but from our mother- who has never, ever been happy in her own large body.
Back to the gathering. As we were discussing this and find good things to say about our bodies, my mother chimed in. “Skinny people are prettier and happier.” She gave us all the stink-eye, daring us to argue with her. She wants my youngest sister to achieve her goal of a size 2 so that she can be “happier”. Because my mother has never been skinny, and consequently suffers from depression and has never been happy, she thinks that fitting that image is what my sister needs to be happy. She said if only my little sister would lose that weight, straighten her hair, and get her skin “problem” fixed she’d be happy. What did we think of that?
I go back to remembering now. I wasn’t happy at a size 5. But not because I felt fat. It was because I could never obtain the perfection I felt was expected of me. I wasn’t pretty unless… smart unless… worthy unless… So, I worked hard at being a failure to myself- and ultimately the woman sitting next to me. Talk about a revelation.
My sister and I were smart enough not to contradict our mother. She was spoiling for a fight and would love to be the rain on a sunny day. My brother’s lady followed our lead and bit her lip. She looked from my sister to me and just kind of sighed. She’s working on her Masters and, I suppose, has had some psychology. It kind of made me feel bad, but I shrugged through it. My sister was the first to go back to our original conversation, then I followed. We pretended like our mother hadn’t said anything.
It’s taken us a long time to get to that point. A point where we realize we’re not perfect, but we’re still beautiful. And a point where we could retreat from that rain cloud and not let her ruin our mood.
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Jan
19
Posted by Lizzie
My medicine seems to be making me gain weight no matter what I do. Of course, I don’t spend time in a gym, but that’s not the point. I’ve tried products like eca stack and Slim Fast and things like that. I used to weigh a very nice 125. I’m 5 foot 1 inch tall, so that’s not stick thin. But after having Mags I gained some weight. Just when I started getting it off my illness struck. Then I gained some more weight. Ugh!
I’ve been doing really good at managing the weight. I’m not going up any further (this is a good thing considering how short I am). But I want to lose some weight too. Should I take pills? Should I do more Yoga? Should I eat nothing but soup? I certainly am not going to jog or do aerobics or anything that will cause me to sweat too much. Too much sweating means horrible pain the next day.
I’m trying to find a happy medium without stressing my body out too much. It’s hard and it’s depressing. Honestly, I’m not getting any younger, I’ve got this damned rash, and now everytime I look in the mirror I see a weeble wobble. Gah!
Maybe I’ll just cut and dye my hair. That might work. Keep your fingers crossed.
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Jan
18
Posted by Lizzie
I’ve been entering the Dream Home 2008 Sweepstakes everyday since I remembered HGTV did it. I go and look at that house to get my spirits up. It works well when I add it into my meditation time. Ah, the joys of dreaming (except I’m going to win this time. I just know it).
Something else I like to do is watch HGTV. I love those design shows- but my husband hates them. I’ll get something in my head (”We need to make this POP!”) and change something around while he’s at work. One time I painted a mural on Mags’ bedroom wall. Another time I converted the diningroom in to a fun kids area. When we finally broke down and bought new furniture, I had to have the big, oversized stuff and my curtains had to complement (not match) them. I was very serious. When I’m losing my mind because of the stress it’s nice to sit down and watch rooms be transformed.
I’ve noticed that a lot of the design shows are hiding the tvs. Either behind a fancy picture or inside a console. When they’re inside the console, you don’t open the front doors to get to it (like the old way)- they use popup tv lifts so that the tvs magically appear by rising out of the console. This is especially cool with the huge hdtvs. The picture frames magically move one way or the other (or split in two) and voila! The game is on. I love that. It’s awesome. Right now I have my tv in an armoire in the livingroom, but I would really love to make it pop out of nowhere like that. I’m not really sure where the DVD player and cable box would go, but that’s ok. I’m sure I could bust a whole in the wall and make a spot for them.
So, dreaming of things I would love to have, but will never be able to afford, is actually pretty therapeutic for me. Like window shopping, without leaving the house. Steve wonders how that can put me in such a good mood, when daydreaming like that reminds him of what little we have. Pfft! I tell him there was a point when I just dreamed of being a homeowner. Now look at me. I just dreamed of owning a big, overstuffed couch. Now look. I dreamed of sitting on a warm beach watching the sun come up. I finally got to do that. Dreaming’s not so bad for me. Especially when so many of my dreams have come true. I like to imagine if I want it bad enough I’ll get it.
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Jan
17
Posted by Lizzie
Math class this semester is a lot different than last semester. Some of the chatterboxes from then are in my class again- but this time they’re quiet. My professor’s not going to mess around with folks disrupting his class. One thing on the syllabus that stands out as pretty awesome is a line about cell phones. “Cell phones should be turned off before class. If yours goes off during a test you’ll be deducted 10% for the disturbance to other students.” Take that, chatterboxes!!
There was a nifty car in the parking lot last night. It had every kind of Dodge Charger accessory you can imagine. I immediately fell in love. So, I’m staring at this car, wishing I could drive it down to my dream home in the Florida Keys and who walks out to drive it away? Some little lady who didn’t look like she could see over the steering wheel. Why did I think that some hunk of a man would drive that baby away? Ah, but see I can see myself in it a easier now that she was driving it. Zoom!
My online course is off to a slow start. I have no idea what to expect. All I know for sure right now is that I had to download Visual Web Developer Express because Front Page isn’t available anymore. I’m a little disappointed that we aren’t going to be learning some other way to develop the code for our team websites, but what can I do? I guess I’ll be learning on only MS products. So much for Open Source learning. Ugh.
I’m off school until next Wednesday because of the holiday. Hopefully by then I’ll feel more comfortable with everything I’ve got to do.
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